Why I've Decided Not to Leave My Sons a Bundle of Money

Since my boys were young, I've planned for retirement with an eye on leaving them as much money as possible. As trite as it may sound, a book altered the way I've come to feel about squirreling away money I never intended to spend.

Die with Zero

I initially read Die with Zero by Bill Perkins because of the provocative title. The idea of spending retirement funds to the point of having almost nothing left by the time my husband and I die struck me as shocking.

One of the book's main messages is that money is a tool for creating experiences, and not a scorecard. The author emphasizes the concept of "memory dividends," and says that meaningful experiences continue to pay us back in memories that last a lifetime.

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I'm not adhering to all of Perkins' suggestions but picking and choosing what works for us. For example, we're going to withdraw more from our retirement account than we initially planned. We won't be rich, but we should be more comfortable than I expected.

Though it feels a bit odd, I intellectually and emotionally know that it's the right thing to do.

How I got here

My husband and I married as teenagers and lived paycheck to paycheck as we put ourselves through college. We weren't exactly broke, but there was no room in our budget for extras. Like an estimated 42% of Americans, we had no emergency savings account, making a flat tire or a flooded basement feel catastrophic.

Recently, when I told our sons about the book I was reading, they both said they loved the idea of us leaving them nothing or next to nothing. One reminded me that they're both well educated and financially comfortable. They don't need Mom and Dad to sacrifice their retirement to leave a fat inheritance.

In other conversations, both daughters-in-law have reminded us how important it is to them that we spend our money and enjoy life as we age. They're taking care of their own retirement needs.

While I'd like to think we'd do what we wanted even if they didn't give us their "blessing," it's helpful to know that the dream of leaving them a bundle was mine, and mine alone. They've never expected it.

The inheritance that matters

For years, as I've calculated how much we can afford to spend from our retirement account, I've done so with the idea of spending only interest and earnings. I saw leaving the bulk of our money behind as a last Valentine's card to the people we love. I imagined them remembering how much we loved them every time they spend that money.

It's only recently that I've allowed myself to question that thinking. If my husband and I hadn't earned enough money to build a retirement account, would our children think we loved them any less? If we lost every penny we have, would they somehow associate that with our feelings for them?

The answer is no, they would not.

I'm no parenting expert, but it seems to me that what children want -- no matter their age -- is to know they're 100% loved and accepted, and no amount of money can convey that message. It's up to us, while we're still here, to show them.

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