2 Ways to Control Emotional Spending When You're a Grandparent

We've moved six times (to four different states) since our oldest granddaughter was born nearly 13 years ago, but no matter where we live, we feel as if we don't see our grandkids enough. I suspect that's why we go out of our way to buy them things we know will make them smile. In the past, we've justified the amount of money we spend by reminding ourselves that we're maxing out our retirement accounts.

When the girls were very young, they were cheap dates. We could buy them a dozen little gifts for $10 (or so it seemed). That's no longer the case. The things they're interested in may be designed for kids, but they carry adult price tags.

Image source: Getty Images.

Finding an answer

As we plan for retirement, my husband and I have discussed why we overspend, especially on family. Are we afraid they won't remember how much we love them after we're gone? Whatever the reason, emotional spending is never a good idea.

One quote that's stuck with me was from an article on MyWellbeing.com. It said, "Emotional spending is the act of buying things based on how you're feeling, rather than logic or necessity."

There's nothing logical about many of the things we buy. Those purchases are primarily based on emotion (and habit).

With the holidays upon us

A while back, we decided to live as though we're retired and on fixed income, like Social Security benefits and my husband's pension. While no one's retired yet, we see it as good practice. And being on a fixed income means letting the people we love know how we feel without buying stuff.

Like any other new habit, becoming a practical spender takes time. Here are the tips we're finding most helpful.

1. Identify emotional triggers

While our primary emotional trigger is clear to us, yours may be quite different. For example, some people shop when they're stressed, sad, or bored. Some people shop to get their minds off everything that's going on in the world today.

And some people shop to get a quick shot of happy hormones. According to the Cleveland Clinic, shopping releases chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, making the act of buying something feel good.

Once you've identified your triggers, you can head them off at the pass by doing something different, such as going for a walk, reading a book, calling a friend, or baking your favorite cookies. My go-to is jumping on the treadmill. Usually, by the time I'm off, I have less interest in shopping.

2. Rewire your brain

Rather than taking money from a money market account (MMA) to buy something no one actually needs, I've learned to postpone the purchase and see how I feel after I've given myself time to cool off.

Here's how it works. A few years ago, I was writing another article about overspending and came across a cache of excellent research about how people who overspend can learn to rewire their brains (and spending habits). It all comes down to the fact that our brains aren't static; they're adaptable and can be rewired to make better financial decisions.

It may sound too simple to be true, but I promise, it can work. The next time you feel driven to buy something no one really needs, stop. Take three deep breaths. These breaths physically activate your prefrontal cortex and temporarily take your limbic system offline (the complex network of nerves in your brain that controls basic emotions).

Once you're not letting your limbic system control you, you can ask yourself, "Do I need to buy this for (fill in the blank)? Do they need it? Am I buying it because I'm bored, sad, anxious, or miss them? Can I afford to make this purchase?"

It's while your limbic system is offline that your prefrontal cortex is free to do its thing: decision-making, planning, and problem-solving.

Finally, give yourself some time. If you're shopping online, get up and do something else. If you're in a store, walk around for a while. Better yet, leave and tell yourself that you can come back in an hour if you genuinely need to make the purchase.

Whether you're still working, retired, or have decided to work in retirement, you're ultimately in charge of how you spend money -- even if you have to rewire your brain to do it.

The Motley Fool has a disclosure policy.